Forgive me Kiefer, For I have sinned…
Lestat, I… am ashamed.
Louis,Armand and even Bill and Erik…. I apologize.
“Maggots, Michael. You’re eating maggots.
How do they taste?”
After months of pressure from a conniving 13 year old… I caved! In a weak moment she got me to do that which was unthinkable… She tricked me with some kind of sorcery that only the baby of the family possesses over the mother.. That’s right children, the dedicated disciple and believer of the motto… ‘Those vampires are pussies and I will not sully the memory of real vampires, of my vampires.. by watching or reading that filth’.. The lion, as it was, fell to the lamb and watched Twilight…
and it didn’t suck.
Before watching, the girls and I.. ok the oldest girl and I, were trying to explain to the youngest that we didn’t really want to see the movie because these vampires were pussies..Sorry, but it was true… they were goody-sissy boys who couldn’t compete with their predecessors. I finally told the young child…“Look, these are not my vampires.. these are not your sister’s vampires.. these are your vampires and yours alone… and you can’t make us give up our vamps and like yours because yours, break the number one rule of being a vampire!!!”
Oh how naive I was..
Everyone has that moment in their life when, for the first time they find themselves saying “Oh yeah, I’d be a vampire for him”.. and while my moment didn’t totally come until Lestat… Kiefer Sutherland in The Lost Boys had me unconditionally and irrevocably in love and glamored for life ..My oldest daughter explained to her sister that her moment was with Spike and it was rekindled when she saw Henry Fitzroy. Finally, my youngest understood what we were saying when we said, “your girly-boy vampires will ruin the memory of our bad-boy ones”, but that didn’t stop her from forcing us to watch these… new, ‘shimmering’ ,day walkers.
BUT! credit given where credit is due. They weren’t as horribly dishonoring as I expected. No, Edward isn’t Monsieur De Lioncourt or even his beloved Louis.. and James could have learned a few things from Kiefer, but in the end or more specifically the middle(of the movie), I had fallen for them anyway. Edward’s brooding was too seductive to overcome, his resistance to Bella and final capitulation was too sweet to deny…and his protectiveness over her was just too honorable..
No, Edward will not replace the bad boy vampire I am truly in love with.. he is no match for Lestat, David, and most recently Eric Northman but,he is good enough to be given a second peek.. even if that peek completes my fall from grace..
That’s right baseball fans, I’m heading out today to buy that which I have mocked for over a year now… the fucking “Twilight Saga” book series. Before last night this mission would have had to be done covertly, under the cover of the midday Florida sun so as not too alert those who I truly adore, to my seedy affair..but after last night I am admittedly… Team Edward and not (too) embarrassed to admit it…